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**sorry, this was one of those random public ranting moments ^^.**

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a deviation (hehe) from my main (writing) project (which i thought was over in april/may; much too ambitious. so here's hoping it'll wrap up for the 2nd time by...jul-sept).

writing a book is worse than terrible. especially when you think about the business part. do you write something "normal", coz something written "normal" is "safer"? or do you write something that is original, and honest, even though you know this isn't really the smartest thing to do, even though nobody seems to really care, even though there will be people who say they know what you're talking about and that "you'll see" later, "how it is", well, not in those exact words all the time, but the main underlying message more or less. but what if, as a writer, you still go back to writing something that you really just want to write, even if you try to deviate from this, because it just feels like the right thing to do.

so i've just been thinking about all this. i think it doesn't matter when people look you in the eye, and ask, 1) "you're a writer? so...are you getting paid?", and 2) "when are you going back to school, i mean, you do intend to, don't you?", and 3) "what if you can't get this published?"...i mean, sure, anyone can say what they want, and imo, ppl don't seem to be particularly understanding on a topic that DOES require more sensitivity than usual, but maybe people in general are too busy to be "sensitive", and maybe i am hyper-sensitive so that's stretching it both ways, but what i really mean by it doesn't matter is that in comparison to the real matter at hand, i think it's (hell of an) important to fight for something that you think is right, even if nobody gets what you're talking about, because i don't think things like this come overnight, and there's nothing wrong with standing long enough, in order to get something you want, y'know? of course you shouldn't waste away on the same spot for decades, coz that would defeat the purpose, sort of, but stay there for a while, so you know where you are and where you're going, especially when this something you've been wanting to do since longlonglonglonglong ago. i work so hard, sometimes i crash/burnout/have a mini meltdown (been able to bounce back so far), and sometimes i really, really, just wonder why i'm doing this, maybe i should just continue to focus on the task at hand; this whole thing feels almost exactly the same as when i left a media course 2 or 3 years ago, that same sense of "this is just something i have to do, mffft", and who knows. maybe someday later i will finally go "oh, heyyy, that was actually all worth it", and i'll see all the sweet things the people who told me points 1, 2, and 3 above, will have to say then.

ps: no, my manuscript does not sound like this, thank god. though it does take a lot of work to clean up -_-''.
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Crazycurlz's avatar
i say GO FOR IT ! hahah but it doesnt hurt to sumtimes stop for a reality check .. no ?!

P.S hope all is well wif u !