Wrote a Twilight
parody--excerpt's included below.
If you'd like to read/review the piece, just sent me an email!
More Info @ Literary Heroin | jessINK
Contact @ Contact | jessINK
+ Book Cover Design by: Jess C Scott/jessINK (jessINK.com
+ Book Cover Image by: Helga Weber (Helga Weber
* * *WARNING!
This story is more or less horrifying or humorous. jessINK would like to apologize in advance for any offence Twilight
fans might take from the caustic descriptions in Literary Heroin
* * *EXCERPT (Literary Heroin: A Twilight Parody):
“So, what did you think of Twue Wuv
Ms. Isobel Swann, the English teacher, looked at her star pupil, Stephen.
A chorus of soft sighs rose from the girls in the classroom, like their hearts were melting as they recalled the scintillating love triangle plot in one of the most acclaimed and addictive literary masterpieces of modern times.
“It’s so addicting!!” Renesmee, the first girl in the front row squealed, unable to contain her excitement and the odd tingling sensation between her legs when she fantasized about being in the arms of either Hunk #1 or Hunk #2 in the book.
It didn’t matter who was hotter because Mary Sue, the protagonist in Twue Wuv
, had ended up with both guys. She’d married one and betrothed the other to her newborn baby by the end of the never-ending 4-part saga. The betrothal was validated once Hunk #2 had “imprinted” his intentions on the hybrid baby. Imprinting was a hint of pedophilia in the story, but everyone let it pass because TW
was packaged as wholesome and innocent “YA literature.”
“Let’s hear from the boys,” Isobel said to Renesmee, as she turned her attention back to Stephen.
Isobel was calculating how many months Stephen had before he was eighteen and legal. The kids in the classroom were mostly aged seventeen. At twenty-four, Isobel wasn’t much older than most of the students under her care. It didn’t make a difference to her, however. A hot body was a hot body, and where she couldn’t go in real life, her mind could...
“I...” Stephen looked nervously around him at the rabid fangirls that were hanging on his every word. He felt afraid for his life. He thought they were going to pounce on him and rip his throat out of his neck with fangs they’d developed as a result from reading too much Twue Wuv
“How about a summary of the book?” Isobel prompted.
“It was the best
reading assignment,” gushed Stephenie, Renesmee’s BFF. Stephenie was overweight but enjoyed dressing provocatively. She thought the guys couldn’t handle her. Most of them were scared off by her seductive ways and non-stop approaches towards anyone in class who owned a pair of testicles. “I normally HATE reading but I read this five times
over the weekend. Team Hot Guy #1!!”
“Team Hot Guy #2!!” another girl quipped, and the girls in the classroom were soon shrieking to each other which team’s side they were on, and which lead dude in the book they’d deemed to be hotter and therefore a more valuable catch than the other.
-- Jess C Scott/jessINK (jessINK.com